Just a few things to do in Orlando

Here is a mock list of a few attractions you might want to see if you are ever in Orlando. I mean if you don't want to spend $80.00 + at the theme parks.


1. The Titanic Experience $21.00
- The gist is that you go onto a ship that will inevitably sink whilst
taking on the persona of a corpse from this famous tragedy. Who will
you be? The dowdy dishwasher? The haphazardly waterlogged scullery
maid? Regardless of the nature of the name printed on your
authenticated ticket, you and a lucky guest will be given a before an
after tour of the burgeoning barge of unsightly misfortune.After which
time you can sample the delicacies of doom at the restaurant, or
perhaps backstroke your way through the harrowing waters to the gift
shop. Here you can purchase wonderful memorabilia including t-shirts
reading: I brought my own life jacket; BYOB; Life preservers? We don't
need no stinking life-preservers...; RIP: LEO... (Well this is what the
description should say anyway)

2. The Holy Land Experience $30.00
- Strap on your gladiator sandals (thank the Lord they came back in
fashion right?) ladies and gentleman whilst you sample the dusty lands
of centuries old Jerusalem. This Divinely inspired experience
transports you back to the days of nasty smelling camels, and bad dates
as you maneuver your way through the promise land. Entertain thoughts
of penitence and supplication as you marvel at the mystical spires of
the renowned Holy Temple. Rest your tired feet at the Mary Magdalen
Foot and Holy Pool spa as your munch on the finest Mediterranean
cuisine at our very own Martha's. Later quench your thirst at the Water
to Winery while you sit in our camel back chairs and listen to the
trumpets. Amidst the blazing trumpeters, be amazed at the Miraculous Miracles Second Coming Firework
Bonanza. For no more than a beggar woman's mite, who wouldn't want to
render $30.00 to Cesar and enjoy this fabulous tribute?