I'm laughing, but I'm not sure why. It seems to me to be the only thing to do at a moment like this. What moment is that reader? The absolute moment at which you finally realize how insanely obscure and wholly without rhyme or reason your life choices have been. Sometimes you have to wonder, did I make the right choice?
Last night in my many random ponderings I decided it was time to get out of my head and go do something. Well, I ended up working out for about 15 minutes before boredom set in. Then on the way home from the trails, I gave up and decided that a movie and some chocolate dairy-free (sigh) ice cream was the way to go. I got home not too soon after with A Single Man (2010) in my hand. I thought, Colin Firth and Matthew Goode (very nice :)) ? How great is this movie going to be.
Actually, it was pretty good. Just so you know, I might spoil the movie for you, but I won't talk about the end. It wasn't like what I usually watch, and to be honest the previews didn't even come close to describing it.
Colin Firth plays an English professor in Los Angelos, CA. The beginning shot of the movie lends itself to a man (Firth) swimming, or perhaps drowning. His body twists and contorts, but he is never able to reach the surface. Immediately a snowy enbankment appears in which a white car is flipped over. A man dressed in a long black winter coat lies beside the car, his features perfect aside from the blood sprinkled here and there on his face. Colin Firth walks across the snow and lays himself next to the body, but not before he leans down to kiss the man.
In "real life" Firth's character was not there to witness the accident that killed his partner (Goode). Eight months later he is merely surviving. In his obscurity he goes to work, talks about English Literature to his students, spends time with his best friend (Julianne Moore),goes home and tries to sum up the courage to kill himself.
In the end, he finds himself unable. He is unable to cope, but he is unable to do anything about it. It sounds depressing right? Actually, it was pretty entertaining watching him incesantly try to fluff a pillow in order to kill himself comfortably, or try to stuff his whole body into a sleeping bag so he didn't make a mess for the cleaning lady. That's just it, he couldn't do it. There was something, despite the decisions he made every day that kept him going. There was a little glimmer of hope, though he didn't know what it was. He found it in the way his best friend was there to share his misery, or the way a student reached out to him (granted it was.. ah.. little more than friendly, but hey, who am I to judge?). Anyway, the point is, he said something in the end that was...well...absolutely right. So here it is.

"A few times in my life, I've had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds, the silence drowns out the noise, and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be."

If you haven't seen it, you should. I won't lie, it is not a good movie if you feel adverse at all to a gay couple, but it's pretty tame in that department. It's mostly about how George (Firth) deals with his loss. Very creative, and well...it's worth your time.